I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
