I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
