I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
