Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
