I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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