Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
