My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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