Dual....:-)
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
