i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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