you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
