It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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