...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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