A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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