I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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