i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
