btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
