swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just high enough for therapy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you never un-have a 4some
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
