He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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