I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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