Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
