Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
