Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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