Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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