Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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