singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
