My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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