If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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