Your face is a jimmy john
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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