Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
