Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
