why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
