I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
