Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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