And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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