you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
