all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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