tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
