u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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