Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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