I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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