There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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