Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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