he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
