why didn't you poke me back
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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