then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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