Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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