The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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