I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
