I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just found puke in my bra..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
