i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
