i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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