the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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