I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
