jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
