Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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