her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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