:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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