$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
