All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
