I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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