I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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