is your mom at the bar?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
