thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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