Already got asked if we're dating
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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