I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
