If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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